i had my mind preoccupied with a lot of things today and yesterday… I went to Baclaran yesterday and today, Divisoria. I was busy… but checking my email, I saw the bereavement message from coop. it brought back tears… I thought I was a bit better coz I haven’t cried that much yesterday and today… but reading those messages from Eph, Larah, Johanna, Challene, Levy, I am far from over it. I miss him so much…
these past few days, I’ve been looking for something to do… I want to join a group, I want to be active, I want Angel Duc to be proud of me but look at me, I’m stuck at home feeling restless and empty. I know I have to do something, something selfless. I read this Pepsico article where the CEO just admitted that women can’t have everything… family vs career. And it led me to think that God might really have something else in mind for me, not motherhood. If I have been a mother to Angel Duc, that would have had my life focused on family for at least 3 years. I would’ve given up everything, made everything less of a priority over family… not even family but my sons. But right now, I’m still waiting… waiting for God to show me the way. I’m being impatient… I want to start what He wants me to do… because it helps me to think and feel less of this devastating loss… to replace my grief with salvation.
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