August 15

I woke up twice – at 1230am and at 330am.  I read the kerygma, the readings were about Mama Mary, the assumption.  How she just trusted God, did not question what He planned for her and went with the plan with grace.  I can relate a little bit with Mama Mary in the sense that our son suffered physically in this earth and was taken away.  I realized that Angel Duc’s purpose was really for me…  to convert me.  I’ve always had this misconception that I’m a good person, but with all that’s happened, I don’t believe it anymore.  I may not be committing grievous sins but I’m so much far from being Christ-like.  I’m an impatient person, and I want things in the proper ways.  This may be ideal in some situations but in terms of personal relationships, this hurts a lot of people.  I have a lot of things to reflect and change…  I will do all of those things for Angel Duc.  It is soo sad that things had to go this way, that my baby had to go thru that for me to realize.  I don’t know if this is the big picture God wanted for us…  I’m sorry for being this way and I will do everything in my power to make you proud my Angel Duc.  I love you so much my Angel Duc. 

I also read “Raw Faith”.  That was actually the time that I realized this – it also talked about faith and how you just obey.  If God is calling you, just obey and that is what faith is all about.  I remember that there have been a lot of instance where there was an invite for me and toping to join the couples for Christ and I always turn it down thinking that we’re not ready… not ready to leave Vino, not ready to make that commitment.  But I think it might be God’s calling.  If we had gone thru that, would this have happened?  So many questions, it’s hard to think and think. 

I miss him so much, I love, love, LOVE you, Angel Duc!!!