taking a break....

bebeko is finally sleeping. gash... a result of numerous breastfeeding, swaying, humming and rocking for 4 hours. hay... bebeko. now, i'm trying to get some peace and quiet... i know i should be sleeping but i don't want to waste this precious time on that. so i decided to just blog. am still on a roller coaster ride. usually when i take on a new job or assignment, it takes me 1 to 2 weeks to get used to the bumps and grinds. but going on my first month, i still have a lot to learn. this past week has been really tiring for me coz bebeko somehow changed his pattern. He's now more irritable and doesn't sleep easily. before he can go for 5 hours of sleep and he's more asleep than awake. now, he's asleep for 3 hours and is awake for most of the day. i don't know what changed or is he just colicky? so i'm just going with the flow. if he reacts, i respond... which is totally tiring. hay... babies. you can't live without em! i know it sounds such a big cliche when people say that one look at that face takes out all the pain and fatigue but it's really true. you're just filled with so much love for that small person that every tired and achy part of your body just melts away. just looking at the top of his head just give me this warm feeling. :)
we just came from his 1-month visit with dr gomez and everything is fine. just have to deal with some rashes on his face and body which doc says is pretty normal. for such a small person, she recommended some ointments and creams for th rashes and i'm thinking not to put that unless i really have to. the rashes are not that severe so bebeko can still live with a lesser-cute face.
i was trying to browse thru the fashion mags while i was having my haircut and it totally bored me to death! i was skipping most of the pages and i finished 3 mags in 20 mins! this is one of those signs of me changing. scary.... not really. just a thoughtful observation. what else will show??

milestones for bebe 1

hay... exhausting. that's the 1st weeks of being a mother. and i thought delivering the baby was already the hardest ordeal... that was just the start! it's already 9 days since my bebe was born and i've been trying to watch over him around the clock. now i understand where all the post partum depressions starts from. stuff that make it worthwhile is when you have some milestones with him. my first milestone was getting thru the 1st night. gash! i kept waking up every 1-2 hours just to check on him. it's a good thing he didn't cry that much. there was actually enough sleeping time for him, it was just me getting paranoid on this. toping also woke up everytime i would stand up. and he just kept reaching out for my hand, giving me an assurance. it was really a long night but by 4AM, i was relieved. nakaraos din. 2nd milestone was having breastmilk. i've been worried about that since i got pregnant, that i won't have enough milk or no milk at all. but 3 days after i gave birth, my breasts started getting so heavy and hard. it was so painful (yup, another type of pain that goes with motherhood!) and i felt like coming down with fever. but it got regulated, when my breasts got attuned to vino's feeding.
there's still so much more...

my bebe ko!

hay... just thinking about it is making me cry na. it's just such a wonderful experience to have gone thru that. until now, i feel that everything is so surreal. my labor and delivery went by smoothly and shortly! thank gad for the walking and going up the stairs. i really took a huge risk doing all those things in that one day. i really dont know where to start... it all happened so fast that i didn't really have time to internalize it. i was in the pre-labor room for just 30 mins and they wheeled me in the labor room. the labor room was set up with 3-walled rooms and a curtain. on my way inside, i saw this girl in the 1st room, with her eyes closed. she didn't really looked pained so i wasn't scared. i took the 2nd room and that's where real pain started. grabe, i've never experienced that kind of intense pain ever. it was something that i feel i could faint on coz it was just so unbearable. my cervix was already 4-5cm dilated so i was pretty much free to take the epidural. aahhhh... my super best friend - the epidural. i wouldn't have lived without that (yeah, melodramatic!). they made me curl so that they could stick that epidural in my spinal column. and when they were doing that, i was going thru the most intense contractions. everytime i was going through that, i just couldn't speak. i was trying to move and do different positions just to relieve the pain but nothing was workin. even that small trick i do to pinch that skin between the thumb and forefinger did not help at all. i was cringing, i was gripping my arms, hands, the bed cover, i twisted my body, i tried to lift my body with my hands, but nothing was working. i couldn't talk, couldn't answer the questions of the nurse and the anesthesiologist coz i was just in so much pain. then everytime they did the IE, it made the contractions faster and more intense.
then came the epidural. i really wouldn't have lasted until delivery without it. i swear! after that, things were pretty much bearable. i still felt the contractions but 500x less intense. it felt good that ate sol was there during my labor and we talked about her love life. hehehe... weird place to talk about it but it kept my mind off the things that's still to come. then they did the final IE - i'm 10cm dilated. gash... ayan na! it was really fortunate for me since i came in the labor room around 930pm and went out around 12mn. 3 hours is pretty short for a first time mom.
the delivery room! it was just like one of those movies where the operating room is full of lights, giving a hollow sound with a lot of metal stuff. it felt unreal and just the thought that ate sol will do the delivery makes it all the more easier and at east i felt.
they transferred me to a different bed with 2 metal stuff for my legs... i know! it was scary looking at it! i laid there for around 20 mins as they were getting their tools ready. at this point, i was really getting anxious to start and i even requested for music! coz the silence was just making me tense! it was really nice of them when one of them got their ipod and played christmas songs!!! o ha! Christmas songs during delivery! :) then they made me do some practice push. INHALE... HOLD... PUSH!!! 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10. yes, the count was till 10! i felt that i could do it until 10 coz by the time we reach 7, i was already out of breath. there were 5 people working on me. 3 were working on my spread-out-legs and 2 were beside me. this one girl on my right side was supposed to help me push by also pushing my stomach. this was needed since i was on epidural. then came the real pushes. it felt like you were just taking a crap... push! everytime there were contractions, that's the time they tell me to push. i was told to hold on to the metal bars to help me push and to step on those spread-legs metal to really give it my all. and i did. and it wasn't all that painful... except for that girl who was helping me push. she was pushing my ribs instead of my tummy! at one point, i just pushed her and told her it was painful! gash... i can still remember the feeling of something slimey getting out of my cervix... first the head... then i also felt the shoulders. then i heard the cry. gash! i saw him... he was pretty long and i saw my placenta which i didn't really expect it to look so white and violet and thick! and i felt such relief that it was over. (that's what i thought then!!!) my eyes followed my bebe when 2 nurses/midwife took him and bathed him. everything happened so fast so i was just lying there, not thinking about anything. then they brought him to me. i didn't really feel that motherly drama you see on tv, the one with the mom having tears in their eyes and the baby doing its first yawn and its hand gripping the finger of the mom. it wasn't like that at all. i just wanted him close, smiled for the camera and they took him away. so i was with him for just 15 seconds. then it was done. recovery room, here i come.

phil politics madhouse 1

what the heck??? the prez granted pardon (termed clemency) to the previous prez. it just makes me so mad! are they joking??? what the hell happened?? it's as if all of the questioning, investigating and whatever hoopla they raised for months - it's all for nothing! they are one big foolish joke! i have nothing against the ex-prez. if he was found guilty, then he has to go thru the consequences. and once they've decided on that, then leave it at that! a bunch of stupid people! here we are, Filipinos with so many problems, and the stupid prez has to go and involve herself with this. and i haven't even mentioned yet how this stupid girl paraded in glorietta just to let people know that it's safe! hello!!! don't you have better things to do with your time??

cooking 101.0001

we'll i've been tring to cook for me and hane for over a year already and i still need a LOT of improvement. i attempted to cook chopsuey again but it looked like soup with a lot of veggies. even hane said it looked like the stuff you put in a lumpia. huhuhu!!!
sige, next time i'm gonna attack it differently - not put too much water. just let it cook in oil and once it's cooked, water. let's see... :)

mini-me, part 2

finally! i can spare a few minutes on this. hay, the last few days have been really hard on me. i'm so big now and it's hard for me to walk at the end of the day. i can't really eat a lot since i'm gonna feel heavier than usual. but enough of this... gash, just look at me, complaining already and he hasn't even been born yet. gash! it's mixed emotions right now. i really want to be prepared for him and right now, i can say that i already love him so much. i can't wait to see him. but they said he's gonna look like this small ET (right from the mouth of tintin! thanks tin!). but even with that, i'm already envisioning my sleepless nights of just swaying him to sleep. i was just collecting some soothing songs that i'll save in my creative zen and we'll bond and listen to those songs. aww... our bonding moment. i want him to appreciate music as much as me and i want him to subconsciously remember the songs that we listen while he falls asleep so that when he's older and gets to hear these songs, it will give him a sense of comfort. diba?? hehehe... sounds like a science experiment. i just want to create an environment for him that he feels so well loved.
what would he look like??? from the ultrasound, i can see that he has a big nose... from his dad! i want to touch him na and cradle him and kiss him and massage him. i hope the stuff we bought are enough for him. i want the best for him but toping keeps "controlling" the stuff we buy. well, okay, it is practical not to buy some of the stuff but it just sticks to my mind! hay...
i've been reading stuff about breastfeeding. i really want to breastfeed him and they say you just have to be patient and persistent and read a lot of books. so i'm gonna do that. bebe! hope you'll like my milk! :)

ARG... again

Napipikon ako! ARG! I'm fixing this FTE forecast and it's such a mess! I have so many things to do and this is eating up a lot of my time. I can't even concentrate on this since I'm seething with anger!
It got triggered pa when the other TLs are "busy" doing some training that they don't really need. The other one even had the decency to brush this thing off eh sa kanya naman to before! Haaaay!!!!! Can I just????!!!

I need a break, a big fucking break!!!! I shouldn't be stressing like this when I'm pregnant, diba enzo?? Hay… grant me the serenity and peace of mind. PLEASE!

mini-me (1.1)

i'm 6 months pregnant. hayy... i haven't really blogged about this yet coz i know if i start, it's gonna be a long write for me, it's gonna open up a lot of emotions and i don't want to deal with that yet. but now i realize that i want to read about this 5 years from now. i want to remember what if felt like to be here, right now.
It has been a slow ride for me. i'm not the kind of girl who enjoys being pregnant, being pampered and being told to take it slow. i always want to be on the go, to be able to do errands, to just go and job whenever i want, to travel and take a break, yo and drink when i want to, eat JUNK food - chocolates, cakes, donuts! so you can really imagine the humungous amount of restraint i'm doing. :) so pregnancy is not something i look forward to. in any case, hane is also not the type who pampers. i resented it at first, but hey that's the man he really is and i've known him to be like that. hay... see?? and this is not the start yet. i have this whole lot of thoughts, feelings, ideas and right now, i'm already thinking of the amount of work i need to get done. and i really need to do it! oh well... this is just section 1 of part 1. :)

transition

gash, here i am on a cross road again. an opportunity to move from Finance to IT, SAP analyst to be exact. i've actually decided already but until now, i still have that nagging question - am i making the right choice? well, i brought this on, i was the one who requested for it. but now that it's here, i'm wary. it's not that i love finance so much. it has really been my safety blanket coz i know the ins and outs of it. assign me anywhere and i'd know what do do. i guess that's the thing that scares me. at this age, should i be getting into a new thing again? i'm scared of starting from scratch again, of feeling that sense of "lost" coz i just don't know the ropes yet. haay... i'm just writing these feelings coz i know i'm gonna go thru with it. I think this is what He has planned for me as well, coz it's going smoothly. hay, i'll just trust in You. if you really think about it, the long term impact, it's gonna be a win-win for me. goodluck sa kin!

cool entries to my blog

Some of the blogs i see are so cool. they're not really better writers but seems that they're always on the go, always with something new. i'm thinking of transitioning to that and possibly getting this blog in public. That's much more fun. cool!