can't sleep

i need to flush out whatever it is that's making it hard for me to sleep. i don't know where to start. am getting really stressed out with the upgrade project coz i haven't really put in much effort as i should be doing. am gettimg tired of testing and follow ups and defects, and it's frustrating to have an irritating seatmate. there i said it. now that's a load off. hehehe! arg! can i just have one day all to myself?!?
i keep thinking of something that can be like an outlet for me like jogging or something. don't wanna go back to boxing anymore coz it's just the same thing over and over again. i like the sparring bit and punching the small bag; but other than that, it's just basically fighting the big and medium punching bag. tamad lang ba ako, am making all these excuses! well, in any case i don't feel like going back there anymore. i can go for jogging! well that,s more of a jog-walk for me... Okay more of walk, walk and jog and walk.
my birthday's coming up and that's what i'll do. have a day all to myself, start w/ walk-jog, mass and just basically have the rest of the day all to myself. Ahh, can't wait. =)

stuck in that state

I’m still at that state!!! I think there’s something wrong with me… don’t get alarmed! It’s not about health or whatever. It’s just that I always have this desire to buy something. Last week, I was craving for dessert… I bought this chocolate cake from this bakeshop that was at least 30 minutes away from our condo! I had to go thru traffic to get there… then I had this craving to buy a phone which would allow me to connect with my friends. I think it was an emotional purchase coz I don’t know! that’s the problem… I might be feeling something already… feeling lost? Feel like I’m losing myself but I’m just covering it up with all these purchases! I think You’re calling me again… I don’t know what to do… this is something that I need to work on.

stuck?

There’s something gnawing at me for days already… I feel restless but I can’t point where it’s coming from. I feel that there’s something missing that’s why I find myself eating junk, craving for something, watch a movie, buy a bag. I know there’s something deeper that’s bringing this on… is it because I haven’t really done something that’s really fulfilling for me as a person? I know I’ve been so focused on bebe, getting my chores done, grocery, meal planning, cleaning the bathroom, budgeting. Even my worklife has just been so-so. Haven’t really felt fulfilled here though it’s not really bothering me that much unlike before. I think I need a change… but I don’t know what. And I don’t even know if I can do a change… it’s weird. I feel like I’m stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I love my bebe, I love spending time with him, I love looking at him and seeing how he’s growing up. I even had this desire to have a new baby… so what’s wrong with me?? I guess that’s it. I’m stuck. I want to have a new house, I want to get into a project, I want to go out of town or country for a vacation but I can’t right now. haay… do I just need to be patient??

What can I do in the meantime? I thought of running, just to get these jumbled thoughts out in the wind. I thought of praying, reading a bible, to get inputs from Him. Sige, that’s what I’ll do. I guess I just need time by myself, just an hour to rejuvenate. Haay…

twins??

gush, i just had a dream last night, i gave birth to twins!! i was so happy about it but stressed out coz i had to get a new yaya and more rooms for them. it was weird, i guess that's my subconscious telling me what i really want. well, i think i'm emotionally, physically ready for a new bebe but i just can't commit yet coz vino's at the stage where he's getting all sorts of virus/bacteria. it's like every month, he sick and i'm getting all stressed out. i want to devote all of my time to him when he's sick and i can't really do that if i'm pregnant or have a newborn baby. it's weird. yun lang. :) i love this song... coz they got nothing on you baby...B.O.B.

Bechu quotes - Dancing dilemma

Bechu didn’t dance again on stage…  there was a moment where I felt bad for myself… it’s like I felt like I failed as a mother.  Weird huh?  You’ll probably understand me more if you yourself were a mother.  I was really disappointed…  I’m sorry bechu.  It’s just that I was so excited to see my bebe on stage…  Teacher kat said that vino was really into the dancing during practice, he was enjoying himself.  I guess he has stage fright or something… I really don’t know.  But I just gotta be patient with him and I’ll just picture that image where he finally gets on stage and dances… or even just stands there!  And I’ll get teary-eyed and just be full of so much pride.  Hay, bechu…