stuck in that state

I’m still at that state!!! I think there’s something wrong with me… don’t get alarmed! It’s not about health or whatever. It’s just that I always have this desire to buy something. Last week, I was craving for dessert… I bought this chocolate cake from this bakeshop that was at least 30 minutes away from our condo! I had to go thru traffic to get there… then I had this craving to buy a phone which would allow me to connect with my friends. I think it was an emotional purchase coz I don’t know! that’s the problem… I might be feeling something already… feeling lost? Feel like I’m losing myself but I’m just covering it up with all these purchases! I think You’re calling me again… I don’t know what to do… this is something that I need to work on.

stuck?

There’s something gnawing at me for days already… I feel restless but I can’t point where it’s coming from. I feel that there’s something missing that’s why I find myself eating junk, craving for something, watch a movie, buy a bag. I know there’s something deeper that’s bringing this on… is it because I haven’t really done something that’s really fulfilling for me as a person? I know I’ve been so focused on bebe, getting my chores done, grocery, meal planning, cleaning the bathroom, budgeting. Even my worklife has just been so-so. Haven’t really felt fulfilled here though it’s not really bothering me that much unlike before. I think I need a change… but I don’t know what. And I don’t even know if I can do a change… it’s weird. I feel like I’m stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I love my bebe, I love spending time with him, I love looking at him and seeing how he’s growing up. I even had this desire to have a new baby… so what’s wrong with me?? I guess that’s it. I’m stuck. I want to have a new house, I want to get into a project, I want to go out of town or country for a vacation but I can’t right now. haay… do I just need to be patient??

What can I do in the meantime? I thought of running, just to get these jumbled thoughts out in the wind. I thought of praying, reading a bible, to get inputs from Him. Sige, that’s what I’ll do. I guess I just need time by myself, just an hour to rejuvenate. Haay…

twins??

gush, i just had a dream last night, i gave birth to twins!! i was so happy about it but stressed out coz i had to get a new yaya and more rooms for them. it was weird, i guess that's my subconscious telling me what i really want. well, i think i'm emotionally, physically ready for a new bebe but i just can't commit yet coz vino's at the stage where he's getting all sorts of virus/bacteria. it's like every month, he sick and i'm getting all stressed out. i want to devote all of my time to him when he's sick and i can't really do that if i'm pregnant or have a newborn baby. it's weird. yun lang. :) i love this song... coz they got nothing on you baby...B.O.B.

Bechu quotes - Dancing dilemma

Bechu didn’t dance again on stage…  there was a moment where I felt bad for myself… it’s like I felt like I failed as a mother.  Weird huh?  You’ll probably understand me more if you yourself were a mother.  I was really disappointed…  I’m sorry bechu.  It’s just that I was so excited to see my bebe on stage…  Teacher kat said that vino was really into the dancing during practice, he was enjoying himself.  I guess he has stage fright or something… I really don’t know.  But I just gotta be patient with him and I’ll just picture that image where he finally gets on stage and dances… or even just stands there!  And I’ll get teary-eyed and just be full of so much pride.  Hay, bechu… 

@ 1 month & 7mos

Bechu! Haay… he’s at that stage where he is slowly learning that he actually has a choice. He says NO or ‘di when he doesn’t want to do what he’s supposed to do. He shrieks when we push him to do it. It’s so fascinating to see how he’s slowly becoming a real little boy! Can’t stop being in awe with him. He loves to just imitate what we do – prepares the table for dinner, brings plates and placemats to the table… hmm I have to take advantage of that while he still enjoys being useful. he loves to get his boxes of toys and books but tires of it easily. He loves to go out! He loves barney! Hehehe… I think he’s growing out of his Thomas stage coz he points more to barney than Thomas. And he loves that song from mickey mouse play house – hotdog hotdog, hotdiggity dog! I swear he has a beat when he dances… takes after his mom!

And he loves fruits! Halleluiah! But I really have to be careful coz he already knows candies and cakes and I don’t ever want him to be like me, such a junk food addict. That’s why I always make sure we have fruits in the house. He takes after his dad. He also seem to like fish. My buchoy!

He knows bad smell and dirty. And he knows he can’t walk around without his shoes. The funny thing is he sometimes likes to wear the rider sandals, or the crocs or his rubber shoes. Hehehe… so cute diba?? Like he’s practicing his independence already. J and I bought this fisher price train in Singapore thinking that he’s gonna be so excited to see it. Well, I didn’t really see the excitement in his actions, just the smile when he saw his new toy. And after less than 2 weeks, I think he’s tired of it already. I want to buy him more and more toys. But I need to save up for his schooling. I want him to start school as early as now so that he gets to learn fast, rather than just hang out at home…

He’s starting to get used to strangers coz he doesn’t cry his head off when surrounded by strangers. Even when we’re out, I’d tell him I’m going, and he’s just gonna stay there not minding if no one he knows is around. Yeah, I need to think up a trick where I can convince him to do what I tell him to do without forcing him or him throwing up a tantrum. Hay, I just want to hug him so hard! :)