bone-tired

first time in a long time... but I just wanted to air out.  I'm not complaining, I just want to let this all out.  I am physically and mentally tired.  Yaya went on a vacation.  we just got back from a week in japan.  I have 2 boys who don't really care much helping out at home.  I'm basically okay with that but there's just not enough time!!  I want to be able to do it all.  I want to clean the house, be able to cook for them, do the laundry... at the quick clean and not me...I hate doing handwash laundry!! 
right now, I'm in the office and I'm feeling bone tired!  I have no motivation to start work... but I have a long list of things to do... DEPO action items, DEPO meeting, DEPO RFP on the UAE/Bahrain/Vietnam and then CAS ADAIRO, CAS cutover plan, CAS resource checking.  I'd rather stay at home and clean!  hahahaha! 


I feel like I'm a walking robot... not feeling anything.  just doing what needs to be done.  that's not good right?  I have no desire or passion for anything except to do what needs to be done.  do I need a vacation?  i don't know Lord.  What are you telling me?  deep down, having a baby would make me soo happy and passionate again.  i keep doing stuff - trying new things to possibly compensate not having a baby.  but deep down, I'm not happy.  we're not happy.  i feeling that toping and vino are also just floating, waiting.  lead me Lord.  i know you have something planned for us but i don't know if i need to do something or just let it happen.  do i wait and be patient or just take the bull by the horns and ask Hane about adoption again?  is that it??  Or just move on, accept that you won't get that one thing that will make you very happy and just do stuff that will make other people happy?  oh em gee!


okay that's it.  still so much stuff to do.  got to cut this emo stuff!  :)