career??

Hay… I don't know if I'm being dramatic, but I feel that I've just ruined my career here in shared. Well, now that I thought of it, I might be the one who made the wrong move. It's just bad that I had to find out that my friend is not really acting like a friend. I dunno. It's a realization and I guess I should be grateful for it. Hay Lord God, this is just something that I have to go thru. What do you want me to realize here. It's one factor on top of another factor… and every time I peel away something, it give me another thing to peel out. It's just one issue after another. And I know that you just want to keep me on track. Coz you're always paving the way for me to go to the decision with what I think is right. Am I making sense at all?

hectic

It's a shame. It's been such a hectic week, a roller coaster ride for my emotions. I've been up there with angst because of the big meeting with the comptrollers, felt tense when I was given limited time to present to them (which I think I did a good job of speaking so fast!), felt anger because some supervisors just want to overstate the time they spend their process just to get more people, felt very impatient when the comptroller just "shooed" me when they were discussing some important matters, felt so sad and betrayed when I learned that my next team (well, not anymore…) has pointed me as one of the TLs who'll do night shift while my "friends" are free from that terror! It's been one heluva see saw!
The one thing that stuck is how people just don't get how much I'm gonna prioritize my family now. Career over family? No way. Friends over family? Big HUH? How am I gonna get myself out of this mess? But definitely I'm not gonna stay there and take it. If I need to resign, I will. And I'm serious about this. I feel so betrayed that J and C allowed this to happen. Hello?!? They started with the implementation and they're gonna leave it and not sweat it out till the end?? That is soo unfair and I'm really gonna push to be here. I won't allow it to happen. If push comes to shove, I'm gonna push… push out of MSSC.
Lord God, am I doing the right thing? I know you want me not to go to nightshift. As you have said, go and multiply. Honor your husband. Just enlighten me. Take me out of this bad state of mind and feeling. Lord God, did I do something wrong that led me to this? Hay… whatever the case is, help me to get out of this situation and just do your will. Is that what you want from me? To go there? Hindi naman diba? Hay Lord God, basta I'll just put all my trust in you. Lead me Lord.

Let me just think what my strategy will be… need to talk to mark on what his directions are for this project. (but still have to pass thru the Christmas season.) From there, lead me.

fall all over again...

My hane just called. He was already in bed about to sleep and he just had this 'urge' to call me. It had been a very hectic week and we didn't have a good talk all thru out the week. So I really was missing him. I just fell in love w/ him all over again when he mentioned the US trip. I can't believe how lucky I am to find this man and spend my life with him. You know how people say that when they see the person they love happy, that's enough for them? To me, it sounded like a cliché, but when my honey talked about this, I realized what it meant and it was so true for him. And I just cried… I just feel so blessed and I feel like I want to give everything I have to him. Love really is powerful and I'm gonna do everything in my power to be the best for him. :)

taking a break

i've been checking out the photos on some of the wedding photographers online. some are just so beautiful, artistically done. some are just too plain. i admire those people who get so inspired with certin moods or images, and they start clicking away. and what comes out is the exact image or mood that they've thought of or even more. i'd love to freeze that moment in time when a certain act looks so beautiful, peaceful and touching. coz that's not gonna happen again and it's really critical for me to get the right photographer to capture this magical moment in me and my honey's life. :)

is that enough justification to get an excellent photographer, no matter how much it costs?? hope i get to convince my hane.