Happy birthday my angel Duc. It’s been a year…
still so very painful. I can’t…
don’t talk about it that much. I
don’t know… I don’t want to talk because I’ll end up crying and where will it
take me… the people just don’t know what to say and it will end up very
awkward. But I want to talk about
it…
It’s been so hard… when I see babies, when I see pregnant
women, when I see the women who were pregnant at the same time I was
pregnant. Until now, my heart is
asking why… I still get so hurt
and emotional when I really think about it. I’m not in a good place yet… don’t know if I will ever
be. I don’t even want to think of
having a baby that can replace this despair that I feel. I think deep inside, everything is
still a mess… but I’m operating on auto pilot showing everyone I’m okay, making
sure they don’t get worried about me.
But if I just dig deep, it’s all still there.
I know Angel Duc is in such a better place right now but why
can’t he be with me? Haay Lord… I know
I’m regressing, let me feel this and let it all out. My mind is saying all the right things… I will never ever
know in my lifetime why this has happened. So all I’m looking forward to is just the life after death…
being together with Angel Duc and the Holy Family. That is really the main goal in life… aiming for that life
after death.
Angel Duc, when I see you I will smother you with kisses and
hugs, I will not let you go… I will
give you all the love that I can give.
I will show you pictures of your dad and your brother. What would you have become? It’s good that my mind does not even
try to think of what could’ve been?
I worry about a lot of things… i worry that i'm not mourning properly... i worry that what i'm going right now is not enough... just let go... let God. right now, i feel so disconnected. I will spend time with you just to reconnect.
