my willpower

November 9. Man, that was a day that they just kept coming and coming!!! I started the day VERY early, coz I wanted to drop hane off at the airport for his singapore trip. We were out of the house at 5:25AM. And I was thinking to myself oh no, I didn’t take a crap coz it was too early and I think the digestion process hasn’t completed yet in my tummy and intestines. Ho well… that small thing led to a big thing in the afternoon. The thing is, I felt I had UTI again coz when I pee, it really stings and I felt uncomfortable down there. Good thing I had my urinalysis test done yesterday. So the whole day, I was feeling uncomfortable with all of this. I made sure I drank lots of water but it made me go to the bathroom more. On top of that, I’d developed this cold and cough the day before and now, it’s full pledged! I was coughing every few minutes and I was blowing my nose – green snot and all – every few minutes. Yup, I’m the kind of person that when I blow my nose into the tissue, I take the time to look at the snot in the tissue! J And then by lunch time, I felt a little heaviness down there. Lo and behold, I got my period! Yahoo! That’s another thing I now need to handle. I suddenly felt bloated and it’s weird but everytime I get my period, the first day calls for me to poopoo like I have LBM. So I was starting to feel that grumbling of the tummy (sound of JAWS in the background). So at that time, I was coughing, blowing my nose, feeling tingly down there with the UTI, feeling heaviness down there with my period and feeling that grumbling in my tummy. Yes! All of those stuff are happening in my body! But you know me, I’m up for the challenge. So just to add to that, I wanted to make sure that I went to the ob-gyne at that time so that I could start taking meds for my UTI. I called the clinic and they said the doctor will only be available around 5pm! Dang!! And I wanted to leave the office at 3pm to get a much-deserved rest and to have an allowance before my 9PM meeting! I actually had the choice to go to another ob-gyne with an earlier clinic time but then that would mean I need to tell them my history. I didn’t want that. and I also wanted to know the results of my pap smear and the urinalysis test so I finally decided to wait. I didn’t have lunch in the office, just kept on working so that by 2pm, I can go to the doctor and just spend the rest of the afternoon waiting, eating and boiling! J I felt that I had to eat, even if I was feeling something in my tummy. I found that pancake house opened in Makati med. Halleluiah!! I just had to eat there while waiting for my doc. I decided on something light (yeah right! spaghetti, sandwich and soup meal was not light!). I was already thinking to myself, eating this stuff may not be good for me right now coz it’s gonna push the poopoo some more. but I kept on eating. I felt that this was at least my reward for this very wonderful day. :) While waiting in the clinic, I’ve already started feeling that painful grumbling. I know my poopoo or fart wants to go out! He wants to be free! But I just can’t do it, I can’t poop in public. So again, I just had to test my willpower. I will go home and poop in my home. I had to go back to the office, send that f* handover email and pee just a little bit, trying very hard to control what my butt really wants to do. It’s now 5:30pm, it’s gonna be traffic I know, and the spasms are becoming more frequent. I felt that I was going into labor, i was doing the Lamaze breathing, I was slapping my face, I was pressing the area between my thumb and forefinger, singing just to keep my focus on my poopoo. It was soo damn hard, it was the longest trip ever. I was grateful for small favors, traffic wasn’t that heavy (Christmas traffic has actually started), I had more green lights than red ones, the topic was interesting by Andy9 and Jessica, most of the songs were disco songs and I just pumped along with it. And then I was in xavierhills. Ahhh, the joy, the anticipation, the excitement!! I planned to just barge in, take off my shoes, get my towel and go up! I didn’t get to my towel. I just went it and let it all out! And most of it was just fart!!! arg! I should have released some of it earlier but I was scared that something else might come out. Awww…. The release, the relief. But surprisingly, I didn’t feel that relieved. I felt that I had fever, I was so tired. After that release, I laid down. I felt that I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t sleep. i had that meeting at 9pm to prepare for. I wanted to cancel it, postpone it. But again, my willpower wanted to be tested. I had to facilitate that meeting, I can’t let the group down. Naks! I will conquer! So my next goal is to have vino sleep way before 9PM so that I could just take the call in the room with vino sleeping. Unfortunately, I think he was really in hyper mode. He had homework that he needed to finish by tomorrow so by 7:30 we were working on his homework. He just couldn’t get comfortable with writing his name! it took longer for us to write his name than to actually do the homework. We finished by 8pm so I was thinking I still have enough time. I made his milk, and went up. Good thing I already took a bath before dinner. So when we were up, he was actually expecting me to read him a book. Aww… sorry, I just had to disappoint him that time. It’s 815, drink milk-done, brush teeth-done, diaper-on, alarm up at 845pm, lights turned off. I pretended to sleep so that he’ll sleep… 830, he was still tossing and turning, picking at his nose. 840, I was telling myself maybe he’ll sleep on the dot, exactly at 845 – my alarm time. I took a chance and tried to set up my laptop and phone. Uggh… I saw him still moving. No dice, he will not sleep at 9pm. I had no choice, I had to send him to yaya. So when I stood up to prepare, he stood up as well, gazing out of the window looking really awed at the Christmas lights. I was so stressed out, I didn’t’ even enjoy him being so appreciative of the scene. 857, he said poopoo mommy. Hahahah! Okay, fine, I can get through this. small favor again, he finished in a minute – 2 small pieces of crap. I washed his butt hurriedly and told him that he’ll just have to stay with yaya for a while. 9PM. Okay, needed to get online, sent vino to the next room and home free! Gush!!! Can you believe that?? it may sound real trivial compared with other problems really, but I just wanted to record this fateful day when my willpower was tested, and I did all I could to keep from giving up. Snaps for me. J